Solitude lessons

Solitude has its own very strange beauty to it ~ Liv Tyler

It's been two weeks that I have been in the hospital. The nurses and doctors have been great and I have been able to find a few little areas outside to enjoy the weather. I love when my family comes to visit because it makes me feel more normal. I miss them like crazy. I am always creeping on them with our security cameras and baby camera in the boys' room. It makes me feel like I am with them!

Solitude Lesson 1: 

Being alone in a hospital gives me a small glimpse into how older people may feel when they are stuck in a nursing home. I remember when my grandmother was in a nursing home and I would see all the older people in the hallway and most of them looked so sad. I'm pretty sure they got lonely looking at the same people everyday and going to the same places everyday. If you have a parent or grandparent in a nursing home, go visit often; I am pretty sure it will raise their spirits! 

Solitude Lesson 2: 

I am a semi introvert- meaning I like to be alone, but I also like going places and  having conversations with people that I have known for a while. If I don't know you, I probably won't strike up a conversation. People like me, might not have a hard time being alone, but I am starting to get a little stir crazy. I miss going to the orchard on the weekends, or random places to just get out of the house. I know I will be able to go once myself and Evey are home, however I am itching to go now. :) It makes me think twice about making future plans because we never know what each day brings. God gives us a new day each day, and I have learned to Thank Him for each day that he keeps me and my family safe and alive!

Solitude lesson 3:

Rest. I have learned to rest. At first I thought me getting severe preeclampsia was my fault because I wasn't exercising regulary like I had when I had Ty. Once I started researching it and talking to other nurses who have had it, I learned that it's about how your body reacts to the pregnancy. Nothing I did was wrong, but I did learn that rest is the best way to monitor it. Having three kids already, there is no room to rest at times, however it can be done and I am going to make time to rest once Evey comes. I have learned that nothing in this world matters if I am not in the right state of mind to take care of my kids. If I am going on no rest, I am not being present with my kids and my husband and I want to be able to be with them for as long as possible! I encourage all moms no matter how many kids you have to rest. Take a day or a few hours to just sit and enjoy the things around you. It will be hard at first, but when you rest, you are doing it for you and your family. :)

Solitude lesson 4:

My family and I are so thankful for all the people who have prayed, made meals, donated to medical and travel expenses and checked in with us. Community is a big part of life and I am so thankful we have a great communuty. I have learned that reaching out for help is not a bad thing. Somewhere and somehow I feel like our society has shifted to the mindset of: If  you ask for help, you are a pansy and are selfish. It is sad because that is not how God wanted it to be. He wants us to help each other because we are made in the image of Him. He sent His Son down to show people how to help and love each other. For those of you that may need help in the future, you can count on the Millers to be a part of your community! We love you!

News on Evey:

Her tetrology of Fallot is still there and her valves and aorta are growing proportionally with her. Since the plan is to deliver at 34 weeks, the cardiologist did say that she may be a little sicker than what we would expect if she were born at 39 weeks. I am glad he did not sugar coat this for me. I did cry about it once I processed it because I remember Laney having a collapsed lung when she was born at 36 weeks and how emotional I got when I saw her in the NICU. She is a strong 10 year old who loves playing softball now, so I know Evey will have the same strength to overcome whatever obstacles come her way. 

On both the echo and ultrasound they saw elevated dopplers, meaning that the blood flowing from the placenta through the umblical cord will either dip too low or go up too high. This is all from me having preeclampsia-something I can't control. They will be monitoring that more closely and I will have another doppler done on Friday. If they are worse, I may have to deliver early, but the OBGYN is hopeful that we will not have to go that route. I told the OBGYN that it reminded me of when Jonah was born (he had a hole in his heart) and Dr. Cousins noted how short and fat his umbilical cord was. It may not relate but having that piece of information put me at ease. 

It's amazing how God has prepared my heart for all that Evey may go through after she is born, from me being a special education teacher to having a child in the nicu and having another child with a hole in his heart, I feel like God is saying: It will be hard and emotional, but with my help you will get through this. 

My prayer is that the dopplers will stay mild, so that I will  able to deliver at 34 weeks. This Friday will be 33 weeks, so I only have 9 days until 34 weeks. My prayer is also that when Evey is born that her heart will do what it needs to do so that she does not have to have medical intervention right away.  I am so thankful for the Doctors and nurses here at Duke; they have all been amazing and I trust the plans they have made!

Be like a Bee- hardworking, wise and delicate.